everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
