see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
