I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
