Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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