She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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