I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
