Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
