We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize