My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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