Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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