Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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