We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Well I just put wine in my tea
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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