i don't plan on having that self control this summer
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
