Will you blow on my dice?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
