and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
