im drinking this country out of the recession.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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