dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
