I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
