So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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