Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
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Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
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It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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