Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
