Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm really busy with my period
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