i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
