Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
