Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
