dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
