Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
