at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
