pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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