Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
