oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
