I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
