I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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