i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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