stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
