i was rollin on her like bob the builder
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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