i need an iv and a liver transplant
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
