I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
