Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
