real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
