I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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