He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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