You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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