I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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