I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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