Whatcha textin bout Willis?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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