is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
