weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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