he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
