And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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