I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
