You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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