I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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