He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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