Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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