you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
