Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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