what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
