Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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