Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
