Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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