these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
