We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
