I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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