I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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