bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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