So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
