nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I am one with the molecules
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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