i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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