Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
