i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
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