Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Life is so much better after having sex.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
